1. Those dumb guys that park their 1995 Camaro in 4 spots at the mall. As if the car is worth anything at this point. It's a fucking Camaro. Trust me, you only need one spot.
2. And while we are on the topic of parking, who is responsible for teaching the youth of Texas how to park? Because that person should be fired. Everywhere you go you see some guy in a truck parked in 2 spots because no one ever took the time to teach them how to properly park. (one of these days I am going to have little notes printed up and take them with me to leave on the windshields of these cars. Right after I buy a gun. Or maybe just some pepper-spray.)
3. People who wear clothes that are 2 sizes too small. Come on, let go of your college size. It's over. Please, buy some clothes that fit. It hurts me to see your poor clothes hanging on for dear life like that. In meetings I am just distracted by them...wondering if this is the moment that your pants are going to split. I can't take it anymore; I need to do my job. Help me!
4. Jerks that complain when you are giving them free stuff. Are you kidding me with that? I am giving you something. For. Free. And all I ask in return is that you shut up.
5. Commercials that have nothing to do with the product they are selling. Maybe it's just me, but I don't see how a commercial of someone in a swimsuit could possibly have anything to do with selling cologne. I consider myself to be a pretty savvy consumer and I just don't get it. Therefore, it must be you.
6. Why are we still talking about the Janet Jackson/Justin Timberlake Superbowl Wardrobe Malfunction from 2004? These things don't happen by accident. Janet needed some publicity and that is what she got. Can we all move on now?
7. People who write the CEO of a company to complain about a gift from a friend. They just go straight to the top as though your rant about a gift from a friend warrants that person's time. Trust me, no one thinks you are that important.
8. Celebrity baby bump watches.
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